What He Really Means When He Says He’s “Too Busy” (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

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How to Avoid Bothering Your Busy Boyfriend

Three Methods:

Do you wish your boyfriend had more time to spend with you? If your beau always seems to be busy with work, school, or other obligations, it can put a strain on your relationship, especially if you tend to call or visit him at inopportune times. Mismatched schedules don’t have to spell the end of your relationship, though. Keep your relationship strong and avoid annoying your boyfriend by communicating about your schedules, not acting clingy, and keeping yourself busy, too.


Working with His Schedule

  1. Ask your boyfriend about his schedule.Find out when your boyfriend is free and when he needs to be left alone to get things done. Learn what hours he works, when he’s at school, and what times he goes to sports practice or works on his hobbies.
    • Try to schedule daily phone calls or texts. Everyone can make some time in their day to reach out to the people they care about. If your boyfriend can’t do this, it may be a sign that he lacks interest.
    • You might want to make a copy of your boyfriend’s schedule so you won’t forget it. If he uses an online scheduling tool like Google Calendar, ask him to give you access to it.
  2. Talk with your boyfriend about when you should call and visit.Don’t just guess when you should call or visit your boyfriend – discuss it ahead of time so you’ll know for sure. Ask him when he prefers to talk on the phone, and see whether he has any downtime during the day when you can come say hello.
    • For instance, maybe he’s free to have lunch with you once a week, or maybe he can talk on the phone with you when he gets out of class at 4 PM.
  3. Find creative ways to spend time together.If your boyfriend is too busy to go on long dates with you every week, look for other reasons to get together. For instance, you could help him with yard work or go to the gym together in the mornings.
    • You can also join him for activities he’s already involved in. If he takes a cooking class on Monday nights, ask him if you can come, too.
  4. Make the most of your visits and calls.If you can’t see your boyfriend often, focus on making your talks and visits fun and memorable when you do get together. Plan ahead, even if that just means renting a movie and cooking a nice dinner. If you’re worried you’ll forget to tell him things, write them down so you’ll have plenty to talk about next time you see each other.

Method 1 Quiz

What's a healthy way to work with your boyfriend's schedule?

Avoiding Needy Behavior

  1. Resist the temptation to call too frequently.If you know your boyfriend is busy, don’t call or text him, even if you miss him. If you interrupt him too often, you’ll seem clingy and he’ll get annoyed. Stick to the times you agreed on for talking and hanging out together.
    • Don’t initiate all your conversations. Give your boyfriend a chance to call you first sometimes, too.
    • If you’re really tempted to call or text but you know it’s a bad time, turn off your phone, or go somewhere and leave your phone at home.
  2. Limit contacting him on social media.If your boyfriend is really busy, he may not have time to watch the adorable baby video you tagged him in, or to check out the list of artists for a local concert. Ask him what's a happy medium for social media activity and stick to it. Numerous Facebook and Instagram messages can distract him from school or work.
  3. Don’t assume something is wrong if you don’t hear from him.There are all kinds of reasons your boyfriend might not call or text you back. Maybe he forgot to take his phone off silent mode after class, or maybe he got held up by something at work. Don’t panic or assume he’s being passive-aggressive with you – everything is probably fine.
    • Whatever you do, don’t send him a barrage of texts or calls. He’ll get back to you when he can. Find a way to distract yourself in the meantime.
    • However, if you don’t hear back from him within a week, it’s probably time to check on him to make sure everything’s ok.
  4. Respect your boyfriend’s free time.Be easygoing and flexible, and don’t try to monopolize your boyfriend’s free time. His family and other friends are important to him, and he needs to spend time with them sometimes. He may also need regular time alone to recharge.
  5. Determine if you are compatible.If your boyfriend never seems to make time for you, you may want to decide if that's the kind of relationship you were looking for. Some partners aren't simply cut out to be together. You might prefer a relationship in which your partner is more available to you--and that's not what you're getting with a boyfriend who's always busy.
    • Before you make a decision, you might first talk to him about your needs. You might say something like, "I really want to spend more time with you on the weekends, but your schedule is always jam-packed. Us not spending time together is really bothering me. Will it always be like this?"
    • If your boyfriend tries to make changes to better accommodate you in his schedule, then you might give the relationship another shot.
    • You might also look for other signs of incompatibility, like different values and beliefs.
  6. Reassess the relationship.If you suspect that your boyfriend is using being busy as an excuse to push you away, he’s probably not the right person for you. He might be married to his job or goals, and unless you have a similar mindset, you’ll probably end up feeling unloved and neglected.
    • Sometimes people avoid their significant other because they don’t know how to break up. If you think this is what your boyfriend is doing, don’t drag things out. Be the more mature person and call it quits.

Method 2 Quiz

Which of the following is an example of needy behavior?

Keeping Yourself Busy

  1. Focus on your responsibilities.Your boyfriend has priorities, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t have some, too. Keep yourself busy doing things you need to do. If you feel like you don’t have much to do, set some new goals or work on an area of your life that needs improvement.
    • For example, you can put extra effort into your work or studying, spend more time with your family, or catch up on chores around the house.
  2. Pick up some new hobbies.Your boyfriend shouldn’t be the only source of fun in your life. Fill your time with things you enjoy, and if you don’t have many hobbies, go get some. Besides being happier, you’ll also be more attractive and interesting when you have a life outside your relationship.
    • For instance, you could start working out, learn a new language, write a novel, or pick up a craft.
    • Try visiting , a platform that connects you to others in your area who also want to try new activities.
  3. Respect your own time.Your plans, goals, and friendships are just as important as your boyfriend’s, so don’t just drop everything the second he wants to see you. Make sure he respects your time as much as you respect his.

Method 3 Quiz

How can joining groups like Meetup.com help your relationship?

Community Q&A

  • Question
    My boyfriend is always busy or away with work, and we don't communicate enough. Every day I long to hear his voice, but it's not easy for him to pick up my calls. What should I do?

    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    If he can't take your calls, try sending pictures or short videos via text or over an app like Snapchat. This will give you a chance to connect, even if it isn't in real time. Try to make the most of the limited time you have together.
  • Question
    My boyfriend is a doctor, and he is very busy with work, plus he is currently preparing for an exam. We don't have much time to talk. What should I do?

    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
    Licensed Professional Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Try scheduling calls ahead of time with your boyfriend to make sure you have time to connect. Since he's so busy, you can make the most of the time he has off by planning fun trips or vacations.
  • Question
    My boyfriend says I don't listen to him what can I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Ask him for suggestions on how you can be a better listening. Also see our wikiHow article on Active Listening.
  • Question
    What does it mean when my boyfriend doesn't call me at work like he said he would?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Let your boyfriend know that it upsets you when he does not keep his word. Then, give him an opportunity to prove that he can change. If he doesn't, you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.
  • Question
    My relationship with a boy will not be acceptable by my family what will I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Talk to your parents to find out what they don't like about your boyfriend. Actually listen rather than defending. Then, try to show them that he is not who they think he is.
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Video: He Doesn’t Value You? The ONLY Way He’ll Ever Change (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

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